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History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silva

“I’ll never understand how time can make a moment feel as close as yesterday and as far as years.”

History Is All You Left Me surprised in so many ways, that it left me raw after I closed the book. Not because it was suffocating, or because it was depressing and sad because it was able to deal with all those emotions and tie them all beautifully to create a raw and intoxicating story of love and grief.

I actually have to admit this is my first LGBT book I have ever read and I didn't know what to expect, most of the ones I had started to read were not to my liking and were very hard for me to relate to. This book goes beyond titles and social justifications, it is a book about humans falling in and out of love, suffering and grieving at a young age and still managing to come out strong at the end.

Adam Silvera created a piece unlike no other, he was able to speak through the voice of Griffin. A teenager struck with OCD who has recently lost the love of his life who he actually broken up with months before. Now faced with the fear of being in a world without Theo, his best friend and end goal he doesn't know how to react. All around him people don't seem to understand his infatuation and the only person that seems to understand him is the person he swore to hate, Jackson : Theo's boyfriend. Both struck by the grief of losing Theo they start uncovering sides of Theo they didn't know and slowly trying to get back on their feet. However, for them to move history has to completely unravel itself and usually that is the hardest part: being honest with a past that has been covered for a reason.

"we both looked back into your blue eyes with our hazels."

The chaotic life of Griff is understandable, related, sad and funny. Theo was his first love, the first boy he ever had sex with, the first boy who he outed himself with, the boy who taught him how to live. After Theo gets admitted to college early Griff knows he needs to let him go, although he wasn't ready for Theo to come back with a new boyfriend and to suddenly die and leave him with the feelings of helplessness. No less when he uncovers that the voice note he sent Theo was the one that made him want to have alone time in the water that eventually drowned him.

The story takes you on a ride like no other, a young boy trying to understand death and thus himself. Although the story is heartbreaking, I really enjoyed it because the raw empty feelings Jackson and Griff felt are real, the mistakes they make are palpable. We are not dealing with people who go overboard in their sadness but take it head on, with fear, but with reality.

This is was made the story so unbreakingly sad, because all in all it was very true. The feelings and the way Adam Silva wrote about them were real and were artistically woven through his words. The twists and turns of the story are unexpected and sad as we see Griff unraveling only to be able to find himself again. A real story about true love, death and being able to move on with someone's ghost on your shoulder.

“I'm so happy you were my first, Theo, and you were worth all the heartache.”

--- 4 stars ---